... you realize you don't.
You thought she loved her binky but she doesn't.
You thought she liked nice, long naps but she doesn't.
You thought she knew how to roll from her tummy to her back but she doesn't.
You thought she was mesmerized by her toys, but she isn't.
You thought you fixed a bad habit but you didn't.
You thought she was finally over fussy feedings but she isn't.
OKAY - I'm exaggerating. Today was more difficult than usual, but it was still a good day. I guess I'm just realizing that this whole motherhood job is pretty unpredictable.
Teaching is an unpredictable job as well... you never know just how the students are going to behave and a lot of time their attitude is affected by things out of your control. But still, at the end of a class you can analyze what you need to improve on and generally it will go better the next time.
But with a baby I can analyze and plan the heck out of things and the truth is, I'm not the boss. I can do everything in my power to create some kind of "normal" in our routine or to work on a bedtime habit or to prevent fussiness while eating, but if she's tired then she's tired - I can't do much to fix that.
Anyway, I love being a mom just as much as ever. I'm just simultaneously realizing that I have a lot left to learn AND that no matter how much I know I can't solve all the problems or have our day fit into the organized, happy, perfect vision in my head. I guess motherhood is kind of like a daily experiment. But it sure is fun.
And even on a less-than-perfect day, these smiles are worth all of it!
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